lack of/too much

Sleep. It kills me. The past week or so I've slept about 3 hours a night.

Then ill get 14 hours sleep and still be tired when I get up.

I really don't know what's going on but its fucking with my head and Im having trouble reaching "normality" because of it.

Its now 4 23am and I haven't slept at all, not a wink.

The thing that gets to me is that most of the time im the kind of person that can fall asleep anywhere, anytime. But sometimes its just the opposite.

Im still full of fury and anger. Im still not psyched on much but still looking forward to tour.

Doing two sydney shows in a few weeks which should be heaps fun.

Later

considering

In other news, so not psyched on life. Hating people so much and not getting along with anyone apart from my real good mates.

One of my best mates move to qld soon, gonna miss him but I know he'll kill it up there and I wish him the best of luck!

Fuck, listen to the new dropsaw and palehorse.

Last couple of days

Been listening to...

Shattered realm - From dead end...
Life or death - Sentenced
Snake eyes - Demo
The dead walk! - Re-animation
Bitter end - Climate of fear

That feeling

I've had that feeling for a while now and well, I didn't contain it very well. Its probably the worst feeling I could have. Indescribable really...Intense rage, where your whole body heats up and you feel barely able to move. All over something that I probably don't need to get worked up over. I can't help how I feel though.

You're wrong

People say have no regrets don't look back, you only live once etc etc etc. I mean, how do we know we only live once? Anyway that doesn't matter. What i trying to say is fuck that don't look back shit. I'm content to dwell on the things that have gone wrong in my life and the things I've missed out on. And what could have been with some things, well I always wonder what could have been, and look deep inside myself to see where I went wrong. Or look at other people in disbelief and wonder "How could have they done that?" Not only things that have happened to me or been done to me, but in life in general.

My point is theres nothing wrong with dwelling on the past or wondering where you went wrong or what could have been. Theres also nothing wrong with being psyched on life and not looking back (although i said fuck it, I didn't mean it doesn't have its place for some people) either. I wish i could be psyched on life and everything like that. But i can't. I haven't been truly happy ever I don't think and I'm not whining about it, Its just a fact.

I've been reading Henry Rollins' "Do i come here often?" a lot lately. Something that really got to m was how he talks about in order to get his work done and do what he needs/wants to do he cant be in a relationship. Sex, women, relationships they all come second, third, last.

I'd love to be like that and just concentrate on my goal but the truth is i WANT to share out my time. I wanna be there for my girlfriend or whatever. I just hope no one ever asks me to choose between my life goals and them.

My sleeps been fucked up recently. Some nights I sleep 12 hours wake up, eat breakfast and hang around for a bit then go back to sleep during the day. Other nights I can't get to sleep for 5 hours and when i do I'm drifting in and out.

I might go sleep now.

November

I go on this soon. Got finalised the other day. Cannot wait.